


day to night to morning (why don't you say so?)

by eruukat



Series: time flies like moonlight [1]
Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Everyone Is in College, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Rated T for language, Sort Of, and also gumi making really bad sex jokes, and what the boundary is between platonic and romantic feelings, gumi and piko are roommates, mostly angst about how to ask someone out, theyve been ambiguous friends since then, yuuma and piko have known each other since they were in high school, yuumas two years older tho so they were casual friends until pikos third year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24782914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruukat/pseuds/eruukat
Summary: yuuma's thoughts keep cycling over and over like white noise; they always are, but this cycle is different. more important.this time it's about piko. whether he should ask him out on a date, and how he would do so, and how he would make sure piko doesn't feel obligated to say yes.no amount of scripting seems to be enough. he doesn't know what to do.it's scary to trust that everything will be alright.
Relationships: Utatane Piko/VY2 Yuuma, background Hiyama Kiyoteru/Kamui Gakupo.. sort of lol theyre pining, past IA/VY2 Yuuma
Series: time flies like moonlight [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792513
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	day to night to morning (why don't you say so?)

it’s been three months and yuuma is still constantly thinking of how to ask piko out, or if he should, or if there are any signs he’s been missing that would give him some answers. the thoughts drift in and out of his mind, constantly lingering every time he isn’t directly speaking with piko. 

sometimes the thought is solid and conscious and at the forefront of his mind. he rolls around different questions and situations around in his mind, and he tries to visualize all the things that could go right or wrong. maybe yuuma could figure out piko likes him for sure after all, and he could script everything and convey every nuance he feels. or if piko rejected him, he could definitely keep a poker face. it’s not like he’s ever been a very expressive person in the first place, so at least it wouldn’t be too awkward.

worst case scenario, piko won’t have the heart to say no, and yuuma will have to relive what happened with ia all over again. that thought haunts him the most. it shapes the direction and wording of his mental scripts the most, too; how does he give piko a guilt-free ‘out’ without underselling how serious he is?

the conscious cycling and daydreaming and worrying eventually vaporizes and rests around at the back of yuuma’s mind while he processes the rest of his day to day life. he can tell, because as soon as he and piko are hanging out again, it’s like an intangible weight has been lifted. there isn’t any weight on his shoulders--liking piko isn’t a burden--but his head feels lighter somehow, replaced by calm or amusement or joy. 

he wants to permanently remove that weight. after all, the whole point of caring for someone is that they are a positive force in your life, right? it’s stupid to stress like this. he’s stupid for getting so overwhelmed by something that’s so ordinary for everybody else.

once he considers asking for advice, his thoughts begin to cycle over who he could confide in, and who would have the most experience, and a thousand other variables.

gumi is roommates with piko, and she’s had a rocky dating history in the past, so he rules her out pretty quickly. flower is also close with piko, so as valuable as her opinions are, it’d be too awkward if she knew. maybe kaito then? he has a wife after all. but he’s a talker, and yuuma’s stomach twists at the thought of more than one person finding out.

that leaves kiyoteru, who couldn’t hit on someone if his life depended on it, and gakupo, who has definitely dated at least ten different people.

yuuma texts gakupo and asks if he has time to meet up at the local ice cream place. 

gakupo takes a long, thorough sip of his milkshake, then slides it to the side and says, “alright, enough about me. you still haven’t told me what the random text was for.”

this is even harder than yuuma was expecting. he knows what he should say and how he could bring it up, but every time he tries, he can’t seem to say it. “um. well. i…..”

gakupo raises his eyebrows and waves his spoon around. “you….?”

“i...have something to ask you.”

“okay, shoot.”

“ah. well, you see, i, ah. hmm.”

yuuma pauses and tries to remember what was going on. he knows he wants to talk about piko, but he completely forgot the sentence he had prepared earlier. fuck.

gakupo sighs, and yuuma immediately feels guilty for wasting his time. his second thought is that piko wouldn’t rush him like that, and oddly enough, that thought makes it easier to continue.

“so...how do you ask someone out?”

the purple haired man in front of him lets out a low whistle and leans back into the booth seat, folding his arms. “wow, our yuuma’s growing up!” he teases. “isn’t this more of a bar conversation?”

he shrugs and takes a sip of his own milkshake. the glass is wet and covered in condensation, and the shake itself is getting melty. yuuma shudders and focuses on stirring it in the hopes that it’s still salvagable. anything to avoid eye contact.

“i’m just messing with you, it’s fine. so what do you want to know? anyone in mind, or are you just ready to experime--”

“someone in mind.”

“hmmm. how long have you known them?”

he frowns and begins to count on his fingers. they met when yuuma was a junior in high school….. and now he’s in his junior year of college…. “four years?”

gakupo visibly blinks in shock. “oh damn, who’s the lucky babe? it isn’t kiyoteru, is it??” he adds suspiciously. or maybe that’s jealousy….? yuuma isn’t too good at reading between the lines at times like these.

“no,” he states flatly. “it’s piko.”

“piko??” 

“yeah, why?”

“nothing, just... “ he pauses to laugh a bit and cover his mouth. “didn’t figure this would ever happen. i mean, he used to follow you like a puppy, but you never seemed interested.”

yuuma’s brain feels like mush. nothing is computing, much less whatever the fuck just came out of gakupo’s mouth. “like...a puppy? piko?”

gakupo gives another warm laugh and nods.

“when??”

“when he first became a vocaloid, remember? back when you still had your lip piercings.”

a lightbulb goes off and the mush clears up a little. oh. he remembers piko hanging out with him and len whenever they were in groups, but he does the same thing with his friends, so he never found it strange. 

“it seemed normal to me.”

“you’re so hopeless sometimes.” gakupo sighs, shaking his head. a few strands of his ponytail land in his shake, and yuuma can’t seem to look away. “well, you’re a few years late, but it’s still worth a shot. what are you looking for from him?”

dating for years and hoping they never have a horrible break-up? “whatever he wants.”

“that’s not what i asked. what do you want?”

yuuma’s content as he is. it’s already hard enough asking for more; he’s just happy to have him in his life. “a serious relationship. maybe longterm.”

“okay, okay.” gakupo must be nodding again; the stray strands of hair in his glass are bobbing up and down and sinking further into his drink. at first it was funny, but now it’s getting more gross than anything; he can almost feel hair at the back of his throat, even though he knows there isn’t anything there. that snaps him out of it. they’re making eye contact again as gakupo asks, “well, what’s stopping you from asking piko out on a date right now?”

god, where to start? “he might not want to be friends anymore. ...or he might lie and say yes just to make me feel better, and then he keeps not knowing how to say no, and i think everything is going well but he’s acting the whole time. or… i don’t know.”

gakupo gives him as much time as he needs to finish the thought this time.

“at the end of the day, i’d probably worry no matter what, even if there wasn’t a reason.” 

“that’s perfectly normal. everyone worries about that stuff. even me,” he says, far more casually than anyone should ever be able to pull off. “all you have to do is figure out what you want to do and act on it. he either likes you or he doesn’t,”

“but i’m not trying to persuade him. i want to know the truth. and...i want things to go well.”

“it sounds like you’re being yourself, then. what else can you really do?”

what else is there to do? scripts can only do so much, and unless he fucks up and scares him off, they won’t even change the results, will they?

answers don’t come easily, and yuuma is losing the willpower to fight against his daydreams. it’s scary to let himself fall into self-assurance; part of him would rather be paranoid and right, rather than letting his guard down and trusting his daydreams will become reality, only to be wrong and have the rug ripped out from under his feet. 

in the lull of his dreams, piko holds his hand and leads him out of his (their?) dorm and down the stairs, constantly looking back and smiling at him until yuuma feels soothed and warm and safe. he has no idea where piko is leading them, past the parking lots and lightly kicking open the gate door, but the sun casts a halo around piko’s hair and he looks ethereal. yuuma’s never felt more willing to follow someone, wherever they may go; he barely even sees their surroundings, and he doesn’t have to. piko’s hand tugs him onward and they fly past roads and waves of hills until everything stills like ripples of water, evening out into a meadow. yuuma isn’t sure how long he’d been carrying a rolled up blanket in the crook of his elbow, but he unfolds it and lets it sink onto the grass. they pick flowers in the golden light and everything is visible for miles and miles. and then they lie down and watch the sky burn into a sunset, and they count constellations until it’s time for yuuma to open his eyes to his own ceiling once again.

in another dream, they’re facetiming while preparing for a date. yuuma’s stuck staring at his closet, too overwhelmed to even rifle through the clothing hangers, while piko’s already dressed. lately he’s been getting back into dark goth fashion, but dream piko is wearing soft pastels, and not even one of the spiky pastel goth ensembles he wore throughout senior year. he’s wearing a huge pink t shirt, with a light purple sweater underneath. there are symbols along the sleeves and some kind of design on the front of the shirt, but they’re a blur. all that matters is that piko looks insanely comfortable and cute and yuuma can’t wait to see him. if only he could pick out one of the hangers….

then they’re at the beach, seagulls cawing and waves rocking back and forth with sand like crumbling brown sugar. yuuma looks away from the ocean and theres an outdoor pool nestled in the sand. huh. he wonders where he’s supposed to go first. he doesn’t see piko anywhere? but that’s where they were supposed to meet…

the y-strap of his flip flops is making his toes itch, but he doesn’t want to touch the sand either. he slides one foot out of the flip flop slowly, and the sand is sun-warmed, like concrete in the spring. it feels cohesive, and it isn’t getting everywhere, so one step becomes two, then three, then six, and he wanders around the beach, the horizon to his left and a long series of pools to his right. eventually he finds piko sitting on a brightly striped beach towel, wearing a large floppy hat and sunglasses and black swim trunks. once piko spots him, his face lights up and he smiles and pats the spot next to him.  
yuuma sits down and doesn’t even freeze up when piko hugs him. he simply hugs him back and gives him a kiss on the cheek; then the curve of his throat catches his eye and yuuma is given the sense that it’s okay to kiss his neck, too, soft enough to tickle, and then next thing he knows they’re knee-deep in water, watching the clouds drift by. 

he wakes up tempted to ask if piko wants to go to the beach sometime. suddenly there are so many more places he wants to visit, now that piko’s at the forefront of his life.

against his better judgement, the self-assured feeling steadily grows. in fact, maybe he and piko are already dating. maybe he was supposed to catch onto that a long time ago, and he’s stupid for not realizing that best friends don’t sleep over every other night, they don’t cuddle while watching movies, they don’t cook breakfast for each other and laugh as the eggs get burnt again. or maybe that only applies to society as a whole? maybe he and piko are the exception, maybe the universe has handed him a platonic soulmate on a platter and yuuma is banging his silverware against the table, demanding a romantic course for seconds. 

he’s content. he’s content he’s content he’s content and he shouldn’t feel this dull, back-of-the-mind pressure to act, to speak for once in his life, to make a mistake or to put this kind of effort into a person for the second time and trust he will get a second chance one day. he needs to live his life and do something, anything. he’s content he’s content he’s content and he isn’t hungry anymore. he doesn’t deserve seconds.

as much as yuuma’s thoughts cycle, they aren’t as bad as he makes them sound. they’re white noise, dull anxiety, nothing sharp or agonizing or heavy. they’re ever-present, yes, but his thoughts are always cycling; the only difference is that this cycle matters than most others. piko matters more than most.

when gakupo’s advice fails to ease his mind, that means he turns to the internet next. gakupo said to drop hints so piko understands what’s going on, which is the most foreign idea yuuma has ever been faced with. drop…. hints….?

all the articles go on about inside jokes and seeing each other often--neither of which are problems for them in the least--or completely unaccessible things, like casually including touch in conversations. do people genuinely reach out to touch someone’s shoulders while talking? it sounds more like an urban legend than anything. surely there are other kinds of hints to drop…?

gifts might be nice; would flowers be too obvious? gumi would certainly tease them, and he wouldn’t want that. wait, maybe that’d be a good opportunity to see how piko reacts? how would he tell the difference between a standard piko reaction and an in-love piko reaction? 

if nothing else, a fresh cycle feels more like progress than repeating the same three thought processes over and over.

somehow, what actually happens doesn’t fit any of the situations yuuma had thought of. 

it’s ridiculously simple and easy; the movie finished at four am, and the lack of sleep was clearly impairing their ability to think.

case in point being that yuuma feels piko slip out of his arms and his immediate reaction is to whine "noooo don't go..."

piko laughs fondly and the light bathing his face disappears with a click. "i'm not going anywhere, dumbass, i'm turning off the lamp." he whispers. "i'm too tired to go back to my room anyway."

once he settles back fully under the blankets, yuuma holds him tighter to his chest just in case. "oh. i knew that."

"yeah, right." he deadpans softly. "goodnight, yuuma."

"goodnight. love you."

"love you too."

the exchange feels right, like they've been saying it for years.

morning dawns, though the realization doesn’t. piko’s head is on yuuma’s chest, which isn’t entirely unusual, but the light is insanely bright through the blinds and the dishwasher is on, even though piko’s still fast asleep…? that doesn’t make sense.

padding footsteps resonate through the thin carpet and a woman’s voice coos, “aww, late night? what were you guys watching?”

piko finally stirs in yuuma’s arms. “ughhhhh, what the fuck….”

yuuma tries one more time to open his eyes, but he can’t stop blinking. it’s blinding inside and his eyes feel red; not sore, just red. “what time is it?”

gumi tosses a paper plate with half eaten pizza onto the coffee table as she takes a seat on the floor, eye-level with the two of them. “one in the afternoon. seriously, how late were you guys up? i fell asleep at three and the tv was still going.”

“fuck, i dunno.” piko rolls over to hide his face in yuuma’s chest, and suddenly yuuma feels more awake. his heart is pounding and he’s so sure piko’s gonna hear, but it doesn’t seem like as big of a deal anymore.

“oh. ...oh,” piko gasps, and suddenly he’s sitting straight up, so quickly that his elbow nicks yuuma’s chin.

gumi makes a sort of kissy duck face and looks away, as though she realizes she has probably found information she wasn’t supposed to. but why would she make that face unless…?

“was it good?” she ventures.

“gumi, you can’t ask that!” piko hisses. then he adds, “and that’s not even what happened!”

she raises her hands in mock surrender, not looking sorry in the slightest. “your hair was all messy, what was i supposed to think?”

“uh, i dunno, ‘let me mind my dear sweet roommate piko’s business??’”

“come on, you are neither dear nor sweet,” she scoffs.

it clicks.

yuuma turns and points at piko and says, “you said ‘i love you’ back,”

“you did it!” gumi cheers.

“NO we didn’t do anything!” piko snaps at her. he whips back to yuuma and says, “you said it first!”

“well i meant it,”

“stupid, i meant y’all said your feelings for once! jesus,” gumi huffs. “i was just joking.”

“shut up gumi. what do you mean, you meant it?”

“oh god. i’m gonna give you two some privacy. NOT FOR SEX!” she adds, snatching her pizza back. “for talking. jesus fuck. im gonna go visit rin.”

her keys jangle and the door clicks open and shut, but the world doesn’t seem to exist beyond the two of them anymore.

“what do you mean, what do i mean by i meant it?” yuuma asks back dumbly. “it’s simple.”

“no it isn’t,” he huffs. “i’ve been thinking about telling you for months and then suddenly it’s four in the morning and it just...happens?”

“are you mad?”

piko rests his forehead on the palm of his hand, his weight on his elbows. “god, no, of course not. i could never be mad at you. it’s just… surreal. and you said it back and now we’re here. it kinda feels fake?”

“i can say it again.” the words are coming of their own accord and for once the cycles have screeched to a complete halt. it’s happening.

piko turns to look at him full-on, eyes wide. “wait, really?”

“yeah, i love you.”

he places his hand over his mouth this time and his shoulders shake a little. is that… laughter? is he laughing? is it good laughing? “i could’ve sworn i was gonna say it first. i mean, i wasn’t sure you were gonna say it back? but i love you too.”

“if you wanted to say it first, then you didn’t have to ask me if i was serious.”

“no, i thought i was going to ask you out first. on a date.”

yuuma’s brain goes empty. absolutely blank. incoherent. so incoherent, in fact, that piko has time to fade from elation to confusion to concern.

he clears his throat and asks, “you did mean romantic love, right…? or uh, even if it is romantic, we don’t have to date.”

yuuma’s brain snaps back into place for the third time this conversation. for fuck’s sake, get your head in the game and keep it in the game, this is happening. it’s real, it’s actually happening.

“yes!” he blurts. “i mean, yes, i meant that. and dating. and…” he groans and slumps over, folding in half so his face is hidden in the blankets. “i had this all planned out, sorry…staying up til four am was a bad idea.”

“no, no, it’s fine!” piko assures him. “i’m just...wow.” 

they bask in the silence for a bit, grow more comfortable with it, and then piko asks, “do you mind sitting up for a sec?”

he slowly does so, and then there’s a hand on his cheek gently moving his head. “hey, look at me. is this okay?”

yuuma swallows and meets his eyes directly. there’s no rush. they’re here, right now, in the present, and piko’s hand grounds him. he nods and reaches for piko’s shoulder for a second anchor, and slowly they inch forwards until piko closes the gap and they’re kissing.

it’s… warm. he’s warm and the kiss is awkward and brief and human and suddenly yuuma is so aware of how warm the light is streaming in from the windows. piko’s hand is still on his cheek as he pulls back to look at him and wow. they kissed! they kissed!

for the first time in that entire conversation, piko looks even more shocked than yuuma does, and right, that was his first kiss, wasn’t it? 

“was it good?” yuuma fumbles.

“i--one more time,” piko stutters, and yuuma couldn’t stop the grin that takes him over even if he wanted to. he moves his hands so that they’re both holding each other’s faces and they lean back in for one, two, three more quick kisses in succession, and then it’s over and they’re back to the surreal, wordless euphoria of before.

piko finds his words first, as he takes yuuma’s hands in his and says, “so… let’s make sure we’re on the same page,”

they discuss initial boundaries and terms like partner or boyfriend or simply ‘dating’, and all of it still feels foreign and far-off, like yuuma is dreaming again. but piko gently squeezes his hands and reminds him that they’re still here together, and they can do this.

an era of yuuma’s life ruled by the desperation to move on is finally ending. it’s slow, and he still has much to process, but it’s okay. he’s not alone in this, and for once he’s presented with the choice to trust someone.

he doesn’t feel it right now, but he knows he’s looking forward to everything this new era brings.

he chooses to trust piko.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact, i wrote this (except for their kiss and the rest of the ending) before i asked out my partner.. then after i asked them out and they said yes, i finished the fic! so this fic is kind of special to me, even if it is perhaps too angsty at points. but it goes to show that good things really do happen!! if any of you are feeling down or insecure about this sort of thing, please remember that a lot of fics are written from experience and your time will come soon <3


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